Skill 4: Knowing how to do the wanted behavior
The fourth skill, is again, somewhat obvious. The child needs to know how to do what is wanted. Many tasks seem obvious and easy to us, but are not so for children. Certain tasks such as doing the dishes or picking up their socks may not need a huge amount of explanation or teaching, but tasks such as being considerate do. There are many parts of that type of behavior. You need to teach that you mean both to speak kindly even when mad at someone and to try to think of what that person may need or want.
I’ve been recently trying to teach my twelve-year-old stepdaughter how to look around the house at what might need to be done. All children are sued to focusing on their own sphere of existence. Everything outside them is generally something for their parents to deal with. I suggested to her that she look a the kitchen sink and put away dishes if there are any there. If she sees laundry baskets of clean clothes fold them and if she sees things on the living room floor pick them up, even if they’re not hers.
If I just told her to take care of the house or whatever, that wouldn’t be enough. It seems obvious to us what to do, but not to someone who has, until recently, been a small child. She has not been responsible for anything more than herself. Learning how to even see other things that might need to be done is new and needs to be taught specifically.
Make sure that your child truly understands exactly how to do what you want them to do before expecting them to do it on their repeatedly. Remember also, that it takes many, many times of repeating information for a child to truly learn it. Just because they’ve been told “a hundred” times before doesn’t actually mean they’ve learned it. Repeat the teaching until you see them do it on their own many times without help.
