I love the stories of the people who thought big and did anything they needed to achieve their dreams and gave up everything and … you know how the story goes. It’s great to see people try so hard to get something they really want and then succeed. I find, though, that it takes a great deal of energy and generally few responsibilities.
I remember watching the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness.” I was so horrified by how the little boy had to live while his father was trying to get what he wanted. I know everything turned out alright in the end, but my heart broke for him. I just kept wanting to cry. I can’t imagine doing that to my own kids, no matter what I wanted. For me, it’s important to work to get what I want without giving up on the things I need to do for myself and my kids now.
So, does that leave me out as someone who can achieve big things just because I have kids who I put first? Honestly, the only huge, all-consuming passion I ever had was to have kids. I wanted children since I was about seven years old. At thirty-five years old I finally got them. They weren’t even legally mine until I was thirty-nine, but they’re full adopted now. Now that I’ve achieved that I still have more things I want, but not in a way that will sacrifice the kids.
What I found is that we may have to do things differently when we have little people to look out for,but dreams and goals are still achievable. It may be slower and may require living and thinking in a different way than others, but big things are still achievable.
Previously, women were supposed to give up their entire lives for their children and husband. Things have certainly changed and women are now supposed to have it all, but do we necessarily want it “all”? “All” might mean having a good, high-powered job that makes lots of moeny, a nice house, children, people hired to take care of the nice house and children, fancy vacations and big cars. Busy, busy, busy is what is respected. Busy people are important and respected. You’re always supposed to be running from the soccer game to the business meeting to the beach. I don’t necessarily want all that.
I want my own pace of life. I want to have lots of time to write and bike ride. I don’t want to even be near a high-powered job. I’m not even all that into vacations. I went to an outdoor Brandi Carlile concert about two hours from my home recently and that felt like all the vacation I need for awhile. We were outside and had a picnic and listened to great music. It required very little packing (other than food) and I still got to sleep in my own bed.
I think it’s important, when considering out own goals, to differentiate between what we’re “supposed” to want and even might think we want and to figure out what we really do want. Do you want lots of vacations because your job is too stressful? Do you want enough money to eat out at restaurants a lot because you have no energy to cook great food? It’s hard to really figure out what we want when our lives are a whirlwind of activity. Think about how you want your body to feel everyday.
Will Smith’s character in the Pursuit of Happyness gave up everything to pursue his dream of a job that earned a lot of money and he succeeded. Could he have been just as happy finding a lower paying job with a smaller lifestyle and more time to hang out with his son? I don’t know. Nobody knows what other people really want. The reality is that regular people can get big things without giving up their whole current life.
Time, energy, and money are three parts of the pie of resources necessary to achieve anything. You can basically trade off the three of them. You can a lot of money and less time and energy or a lot of time and energy and little money or some other trade off. You can never get away with not spending any of these to get what you want.
