Sneak Up On Your Dreams

Money is somewhat like time, it’s relative.  I know people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and complain of lack of money and others who make far less, who feel like they have lots extra.  From this, I realized that how much money a person owns has little to do with how financially comfortable they feel.  My lesson from this then, in how to live my life, is to find the place where I don’t have to kill myself earning money, but still feel like I have plenty.

My mother, who is a therapist, tells me that a great deal of the way we think about money has to do with what she calls “legacy” meaning how our families before us thought about and dealt with money.  Some families may repeat stories about saving every bit of tin foil and saving every penny as legacies of surviving the depression or even immigration. Other families may spin stories of ancestors having a great idea or getting lucky and earning lots of money.

No matter how distant the current generation is from the people these family stories are about, as long as the stories hold power, all will relate to the stories in some way. Either the current generation may reject them and live in opposition or they will continue to follow the lessons provided by them.

Just having a family legacy of the way money is treated does not mean that anyone is doomed to repeat or even opposed it.  Money is an emotional thing.  It provides security and status and stuff and whatever else you make of it consciously or subconsciously.  The issue is finding a way to decide on your own what you want your relationship to money to be.

First, try to remember all the stories and myths that your family has ever told related to money.  If there are no stories whatsoever, consider how ashamed of money your family may be.  Look then at how your family deals with money themselves. Are they secretive or showy, do they save every penny and deny themselves affordable pleasures or do they rely on credit and not think about the future?  Basically, list in your own head the stories or ideas that your family follows as far as money.

Second, consider how successful their method has been and what you like and don’t like about how others in your family live.  Are there people in your family that you admire financially?  Are there those that just don’t seem to be able to get it together?  Think about what you really want from your money.  If your myths involve getting lucky as the way of getting money, think about how realistic that is.

Third, study a bit of the easily available advice on how to handle money successfully.  Most of what I’ve read involves living below your means, saving money carefully, even if it’s just a small amount and keeping debt to a minimum.  Basically, get a dose of reality to balance out your family stories.

Fourth, create your own future and your own stories. What do you want to have as your family legacy? It may end up being the exact same as your family’s or very different. The important thing is that you make the choice with information.

NaNoWriMo feels like it’s sucking all the words out of me. I sit and push myself to write a few more words then a few more then a few more every day. The ability to put down words even when I don’t feel like it or am even highly resistant is satisfying and feels right.

What makes this pushing through and writing thousands of words when I don’t want to possible, is that I outlined the novel in detail in October. This makes the actual writing so much easier since I always know what’s supposed to happen next. After I’m finished I’ll need to find a way to break down the editing in same way so that it doesn’t involve a large, open space of trying to figure out what to do. I’ll need a checklist to go through one time at a time.

We, as humans, need structures to follow to move us forward. I’m sure there are people who can move ahead without needing anything to fall back on, but I find that structures, even structures I create, give me something to rely on. They make me feel like I don’t have to invent anything new, that I can just go back and look at my structure to be able to move ahead.

In education, this is called “scaffolding.” If a child is trying to produce something a teacher will keep adding a little more help and information as the child seems to struggle. If the child can produce the work right away then nothing is needed, but if they need some help the teacher will provide a piece and then another and another as needed. As the child learns, less and less scaffolding is needed for that particular task.

The way I use this is to create as firm and complete a scaffold as possible for myself, for my writing and then I use or ignore it as I need. School and even jobs provide that type of structure or scaffolding. It’s easy to get comfortable and rely on the structure that someone else has set up. For achieving your own special goals, though, you need to build your own scaffold. Don’t think of it as extra work or wasted time, but as a foundation that you can fall back on when you’re feeling lost and unable to see your goal off in the distance.

To build your own scaffold,

1. think about your goal

2. Break it down into the different pieces that need to be done for you to achieve the goal

3. Work backwards putting the pieces, the tasks that need to be done in reverse order

4. Write these down in a line perhaps across the top of a spreadsheet or just a piece of paper, then underneath each piece, list the specific tasks that you need to do to accomplish each one. Put a little check box next to each doable task.

Now you have your own scaffold. You can start working on each item in order. When you’re feeling motivated and moving you can do what you feel like. When you start to feel like your ambition is flagging you can open up your scaffold and see what piece is next to do or if your goal doesn’t require that thing be done in order, look over your list of checkboxed tasks and decide on tone to do that would be least miserable and do it. Your goal is to cross them all off. You can feel accomplished and successful with more checkboxes and you won’t have to think up each task when you’re not feeling that motivated.